Typically mad, entertaining, headless chicken type of day.
Up at crazy O’clock for my Oxford Skin check day which means…..well you know…the usual preen followed by matching undies….extra tough this morning considering I am recovering from an evil cold…shaving ones legs in the shower involves upside down yoga style moves… with a sniffly nose…visualize that…and move on.
Late leaving I realise that I have completely forgotten to a/eat breakfast…b/drink…and c/apply any form of blush….so I look like a ghost….Marvellous!
Before the Skin Exam there is a different sort of twist to my usual Churchill hospital day….I am meeting with Dr Ian Tomlinson “Mr Genetics”….in a tiny room at the end of a dark corridor….we discuss my medical history…(well the last insane 12 months or so, of it)…we discuss my family medical history ….do I have Jewish blood?…er no not to my knowledge…”well the blood tests will indicate if you do”….er yes…and result in some super interesting conversations with my parents!
He is a nice man who provides reassurance and more importantly guidance over my greatest concern of the genetic path with the Melanoma and Colon issues…The Little People….how hereditary is all of this?
I leave Mr Genetics and head towards the Cancer & Haematology Department…to the Blood zone…where apparently a Phlebotomist will take some of my blood for various tests! The lady phlebotomist (a name which does not conjure up an image of a Blood doctor as much as a Nerd that likes bottoms)…. was actually a Vampire – I think they must all be – Vials & Vials of blood….she only redeemed herself with the departing comment “Oh that is such a nice handbag”.
15 minutes to kill before the skin exam….back at home 4 ½ hours earlier it had been raining….grey and cold. I had made an unwise executive decision to give Autumns new jumper purchase it’s first outing…..I was now roasting – which on the plus side meant I no longer needed to worry about the lack of blusher…however the heat plus lack of food or drink post “Date with the Vampire” meant I was feeling somewhat woozy.
A quick snoop at the onsite “clothes shop” in a quest for something lightweight & simple……proved a fruitless exercise given there was nothing even vaguely suitable for an under 80 year old in sight…the jumper had to stay. Water…an apple and a breakfast bar in hand I walk out of the neighbouring convenience shop…only to get accosted by a random in very dodgy sunglasses waving frantically at his face……Yes?!……”what do you think”…Oh my goodness….I am actually being asked to provide sunglass advice to a man stood in the entranceway of a kiosk in the middle of a Cancer Centre!
What can I say???…the random could be a patient…this could be his darkest hour…my day is clearly set to be strange……“Great shape…suits you…but not so sure on the colour of them” (Metallic Green & purple)…!
The Skin Exam takes place in another department up another corridor in the rabbit warren that is Churchill hospital.
I am ushered by a nurse to go behind a curtain take off everything but my smalls, pop a gown on & wait there….shortly afterwards a knock and a familiar voice “I wasn’t expecting the drawn curtain…are you behind there Imogen…already!”
Blimey….now I feel like a right Floozy!
The Surgeon (Mr Oliver Cassell) appears full of smiles…..looks like that joke is on me!….The Surgeon also has in tow a student….who is there to learn the intricacies and tricks to performing accurate Lymph Node checks.
The student is a tall young man with a huge head of curly hair…he has the biggest smile on his face that is either because he is unbelievably nervous in the presence of The Surgeon or, more likely, because The Surgeon is clearly in a chatty mood & keeps talking about how he must remember this or that from “Breast Clinic”….I digress…..the student looks like a dark haired version of Postman Pat….upright stance, nervous eyes & fixed smile.
I am not unfamiliar now with the student / teacher banter and resist the urge to prompt Postman Pat with his answers as he is tested on the location of various Lymph Nodes….I also (quite proud of this one)…resist the urge to joke when The Surgeon points out how the alignment of several lymph nodes correlates with the defined line of muscle…..Yes!!!!!….muscle!!!!…really good I was lying down or I may well have fallen over in shock!
The final moment of my amusement was when explaining a groin lymph node exam to Postman Pat, The Surgeon checked if I minded if PP could have a check himself……ever the willing Guinea Pig I agreed….only PP then wizzes off to get Blue Plastic Gloves….???? Really….do they not know how clean I am….I have been up since crazy o’clock…
So anyway…there am I …lying on my back with The Surgeon & Postman Pat stood alongside me discussing lymph node positions…the nurse also by my side…..The Surgeon in his description told PP that he could tell where X positioning would be on me because I am Slim…..the descriptions continue…the word Slim gets uttered again….and then again…..I can resist the urge no more….I turn to the nurse and joke “He is my favourite” in a daft voice….only to be witness to both the Nurse & Postman Pat nodding their heads in agreement whilst grinning huge grins at Mr Cassell…classic!
My Melanoma journey continues….the skin check completed…all fine for now…although The Surgeon once again noted his unhappiness with the scar on my leg….in one day I have managed to come across all sorts of entertaining people (plus a Vampire) and despite all of the worry and stress that comes hand in hand with any 3 monthly check up ….I once again left hospital feeling quite upbeat!
The Rollercoaster continues…..I came home to a huge envelope from Oxford hospital…lots of drugs & an appointment letter….for November…the last Colon surgery of 2014!