There is this thing that happens to a Melanoma Patient….even those who were sun-worshippers or sunbed users in their life pre-monster invasion. It almost always happens within a few months of their diagnosis. Fear of the sun. For some it only comes into play on really sunny days, and although we live in England there are actually a few every now and then!

It’s like going on a date with a serial killer….on the one hand it smiles nicely, warming your skin & luring you into a false sense of security….but your mind races…you know you shouldn’t be there…you know this tried to kill you once…it might yet still strike a lethal blow…or worse it might revisit again with a fresh attack – or move on to a member of your family – another victim for it’s display cabinet.

More than once I have woken at night unable to breathe…totally terrified of the following days forecast has every normal person in the UK excited.

Over the 3 years since I was diagnosed I have gradually learnt how to “live” with my sun related anxiety. Every handbag, school bag, cupboard, shelf & storage compartment in the Cars have an easily accessible bottle of Sun Lotion. We have more hats in the house than most Milliners….and other than a Holiday that included a family wedding, and visits to my family who live in France,  we haven’t been anywhere that involved prolonged sun exposure.

Then the conference happened…and I left my job…(another post)….and so I had this funny thing called an opportunity….to let the family be normal & do an actual proper “what normal people do “ holiday!

But you see….what about the sun…can I expose my skin…would I be being a reckless mother by allowing my children to spend 8 – 10 hours a day in full sun?

One of the talks from the conference that had struck a chord with me – as much as it did with the other patient delegates – was a talk from Professor Julia Newton Bishop, who talked about Vitamin D and how deficient most people in the UK are – not just Melanoma patients that are scared of the sun….or their children who  (like mine) never spend more than 30 seconds outdoors before factor 50 lotion appears.

It’s worth watching – the conference videos are all online now so you can pretty much watch the full thing minus the trimmings  – but this video in particular addresses what has been quite widely covered in the UK national news since the conference. (You Tube Channel for conference Videos)

We need some sun exposure – or supplements. Whatever way you go about it – every medical professional at the conference that didn’t already say they took supplements personally, or as a family – said “as soon as I get home I am going to start myself & my kids on supplements”.

So the guilt of being in the sun wasn’t as great – my only priority was to ensure that if we went out we didn’t get “too much sun”. No burning – because that is a different kettle of fish altogether.

So armed with floaty, drapey clothes for the midday sun, hats, and sun lotion that ranged between 50 & 100 we had the holiday we needed more than the world.

Granted we returned the palest people on the plane….but we also were the happiest.

Seemingly minutes after arriving back to the UK rain started…so we are all back on the supplements which consists of a drop of 400mg liquid Vitamin D a day….the bottle is available from a large online retailer famous for books and music 😉

Since we returned 4 days ago I have been uploading conference videos which has been fun because I only received them just before we left for holiday & I didn’t have the time to upload them before we left so I have been watching them as I transferred them to You Tube!

Holiday over & normality resumes…well not quite yet!

Pregnancy hormones affected 2 teeth in my mouth when I was carrying my son….(apparently that’s normal)…. But hormonal balances affect Melanoma patients too, often around the time they are diagnosed which hints that the change in hormones may be one of the things that allowed the cancer to take hold in the first place…anyways…around the time I was diagnosed 1 tooth died completely…..so about 4 months later I had to get the offending tooth pulled out.

It seems a bit funny looking back at that day…the trial had to start a week later, the CT scan machine had been broken for a week so I had 1 day remaining chance in which to get the scan done & it was the same day I had the appointment to go to the dentists. Basically whilst The Mr worked & juggled with the Little People, I had my tooth removed in the morning & then drove to Oxford for a CT scan that afternoon with wedges of gauze padding inside my gum to stop the bleeding!

The thing is….as you know I never got onto the trial…but I also never had the tooth replaced. The Mr had noticed that I hated smiling in photos from certain angles when the “gap” was obvious…he tried to suggest that I replaced that tooth more than once. I’ll be honest though…I didn’t see the point.

I didn’t want to spend money on a depreciating asset.

That sounds so dreadful reading it – but I genuinely believed that spending money on me…on my body…wasn’t worth it. After a while apart from being aware of this gap in my mouth it stopped being so offensive to think of.

I saw getting a new tooth as “cosmetic” and so believed anything like that would need to wait until I had reached the magical 5 year mark.

But I have just passed 3 years now…and I am well in all ways that I know of…I no longer feel as fragile, I have hope for myself and other patients…so perhaps I could do something vain…so a new tooth I received – the day before my birthday!