First take a moment to read that title again…Christmas No 3! The 3rd Christmas I have enjoyed & celebrated with my loved ones post Melanoma diagnosis – and still NED!
I want to say it gets easier…and in many ways it does…but it doesn’t gradually fade into the background with that nausea like effect of feeling pained by “forgetting” and moving on in the way that loss does. Rather it gets easier because you adapt. You learn to accept this new part of your life..of you & it sort of gradually becomes normal.
It’s normal to check my lymph nodes every other day (daily if I am not feeling relaxed)…it’s normal to think about Melanoma every day….several times a day.
I am still like a rabbit in the headlights…I still wait for what I still see as the inevitable….but the difference is that now I gradually feel a little more secure in my footing. I don’t necessarily think that if the rollercoaster suddenly presents me with a twister that I wouldn’t be able to ride the storm.
Christmas since Little People arrived is different to how The Mr & I remember it…..because there are certain items that “Santa” really can’t forget, they need to be purchased months in advance. Therefore apart from the food shopping most of the chaos pre-event has disappeared.
Which should be ideal given we had my family coming to stay for a week….but in reality having nothing to go and buy in the few days before Christmas is in fact like torture for a certain someone….we would go into a supermarket to purchase baking items & the booze…& the one that is not to be named starts placing various vital purchases into the trolley like he is on the Supermarket Sweep challenge and is running out of time!
Thankfully my mother in law (at this point still hospitalised) suggested that she get The Mr a food processor for Christmas…which he would of course need before the big day in order to create the feast & trimmings!
The distraction was genius….first the research online….then the various shops to survey the choices & finally an hour in a queue with the eternally patient Little People & I in tow.
The Blue Little person was mightily concerned about the fact that Daddy was getting a food processor considering Mummy doesn’t like processed food…which provided mountains of entertainment & left me bursting with pride.
It’s amazing how much these children absorb and accept without complaint…granted whenever I go away they will still always ask The Mr to cook them Steak for dinner now that I am barely eating red meat…but I love the fact that when the Mr suggested the Christmas trimming be simplified to just 4 veg options this year, it was the Little People that caused uproar! Don’t forget the Sprouts….and Parsnips….and Red Cabbage….and Roasted carrots….and Sweet potato…and Leeks…and..and…!!!
The garden fork came out on Christmas Eve & veg uprooted from it’s home in the ground….and in the end there were 8 different veg dishes on our table!
Anyway….the great news was that after 9 weeks my mother in law finally got to come home just a few days before Christmas.
So our family Christmas table was crowded & blessed with both sets of Grandparents & my Aunt. The adult child ratio was somewhat out of balance but it ensured there was never a moment for either child to utter those fearful words “I have nothing to do”!!
It might only be a few days…but it feels like minutes. The time has flown. We went from the pre –Christmas entertainment that is “freezer” surprise (who has time to label leftovers!)..to eating like royalty in the blink of an eye. Since then, the food…and wine, haven’t really stopped flowing.
It’s a good thing I was given a Fitbit for Christmas – time to get back to normal I think.
Although normal in my world these days is pretty far from normal.
New Years first – perhaps we might find ourselves making some more memories with our children! After all, that is what Christmas & New Year are all really about – family & friends – the people whom I turn when I feel weak & the people who provide smiles, laughter & support in equal measures.
I think 2016 may well be a very busy year for me….I will save that for another post…and now just wish you & your loved ones good health & continued happiness for the remainder of 2015 & onwards.
Thank you as always for reading and sharing my blog x